Scribes Note: The Professor and I would like to send our prayers to all those affected by the catastrophic devastation of Hurricane Ian. We’ve seen the photos and videos of the brokenness left in its wake. I think we speak for all those in Orange when we say, God Bless you all.
Well, last Saturday was one heck of a day for college football karma. It was very satisfying and interesting, showing this old Professor any team can win or lose on any given day. This weekend, there are storm clouds on the horizon so, let’s get started on my prognostications for Week 5 Flunkies.
No 7 Kentucky at No 14 Ole Miss
When the No. 7 Kentucky Wildcats arrive in Hattiesburg for Saturday’s match-up with the No. 14 Ole Miss Rebels, both teams won’t need much in the way of motivation. Mark Stoops and Lane Kiffen are very familiar with each other and everyone knows both can lead their team to a victory yet, only one can win.
This Professor is always looking for certain intangibles in prognosticating the outcome of a toss up. In this one, there are no storm clouds over The Grove, it’s always green and sunny. The Professor knows this one comes down to location, location, location and we can all tell the difference between fields of bluegrass and a lush green grove, CT’s Flunkie, by a gnat’s hair, Kentucky.
No 4 Michigan at Iowa
I know, I know. I’ve been told over and over, the only person in the college football universe wackier than the Professor is Jim Harbaugh. I’m truly in awe of his wackiness. That said, when his No. 4 Wolverines arrive at the Hawkeye’s Ranch, they might need to get their heads out of the clouds and watch their step, literally and figuratively speaking.
The Hawkeyes are 10.5-point underdogs but don’t focus on that, watch out for the bullcrap. Hawkeyes head coach, Kirk Ferentz, is a proven winner against top ranked teams. Even Wacko Jim has stated “Iowa is where Top 5 teams go to die.” That sums up completely what the Professor is feeling about this one. CT’s top 5 Flunkie, Michigan.
No 9 Oklahoma State at No 16 Baylor
This match-up’s outcome depends on which type of Baylor Bear shows up, a teddy bear or a grizzly bear. Dave Aranda’s team has shown tendencies of both. One other thing, Oklahoma State Cowboy’s head mullet, Mike Gundy is a pretty good hunter. He’s gone after and brought down some BIG “game” in his time. Will he do more of the same in this weekend’s hunt in Waco?
This could be one of those games where the old Professor has to rely on the one thing he’s worse at than prognostications, instinct. In that vein, it’s going to be a close, extremely entertaining game but in this one, Baylor will be the Professor’s Flunkie.
No 22 Wake Forest at No 23 Florida State
This Professor has been standing a touch taller, walking with as much swag as a 130-year-old can have. Why you ask? I watched a perfectly imperfect game between two teams that earned my respect last Saturday. Wake Forest may have walked away with less points on the scoreboard but make no mistake, they’re not losers!
This weekend Dave Clawson’s Demon Deacons travel to Tallahassee where they will face Mike Norvell’s equally impressive FSU team. I’m one for humor but I must confess, FSU has been the brunt of some of this Professor’s more darksided humor but not thus far in this season and not this weekend.
It’s going to be an epic battle played literally in the wake of Ian’s storm clouds so we know, there’s something bigger going on here than just a game. For that reason, in the rarest of actions, the Professor refuses to name a Flunkie in this one. To my untrained eye, for this week, they’re both winners.
Rutgers at No 3 Ohio State
Honestly, I’m at the point where I actively and strongly despise the Buckeyes. It’s almost pathological. I’ve extolled their many annoyances so, I swear on my syllabus, I won’t drag this prognostication down that road today.
To be even more disappointingly honest, Rutgers has little chance of doing much of anything in Columbus. Ironically, I’m sure somewhere in Rutgers nation some folks have been praying for storm clouds so this game could be canceled. Not a chance. The Professor’s Flunkie, Rutgers.
No 2 Alabama at No 20 Arkansas
I ask myself at this point of every season, why do I always look for upsets around every corner? Clear answer, why not. It’s called the search for hope. That’s where I sit today with this matchup. Will Alabama fall victim to Arkansas? I believe the simple answer is meh.
I’m impressed with the Hogs thus far this season, even after last week’s hiccup against Jimbo Fisher’s Aggies. I believe this team could pull such an upset but alas, not this year. Alabama and Nick Saban are rolling and there’s little way for even the meanest of Hogs not to get trampled by a stampeding elephant. It’s physics or something like that. The Professor’s Flunkie, Arkansas.
No 17 Texas A&M at Mississippi State
The Aggies snagged one last weekend against the Razorbacks and will be riding as high as the 30 million dollar price tag of an entire recruiting class heading into Starkville. They will be there to take on the resident offensive mad guru of college football, Mike “The Pirate” Leach. For this guy, nothing is ever too much.
There is a problem, however, with being a pirate. They’re unpredictable, they get carried by the uncertainty of the wind. That’s been Mississippi State during Leach’s tenure. You never know what’s up his sleeve, a diamond or a dud. I have a hunch this week the Pirate will find lots of diamond, loot and booty filled chests with the Texas A&M logo embossed on them. Yup, slick ole Jimbo falls again, CT’s Flunkie, Texas A&M.
No 10 North Carolina State at No 5 Clemson
The football world has spoken in unison this week. Surprisingly, they’re proclaiming DJ Uiagalelei healed! He totally appears to have been the recipient of another one of Dabo Swinney’s off the field miracle healings.
Funny thing about life and football, some folks will always focus on dark clouds in the distance rather than the sun shining right in their eyes. The dissection of last week’s barn burner reveals two themes. One is of a team that fought though injury, adversity and won in dramatic fashion against a quality foe on their home field. The other theme is, “now, it’s the defense that sucks, not DJ.” The professor believes the former rather and dismisses the latter. Clemson proved something to themselves last Saturday, that they can win in a shootout without much defensive assistance.
Regarding the Tiger’s opponent this week, I will follow the teachings of my saintly mother. Since I have nothing nice to say about Devil Dave and his chromosomal deficient pups, I just have one thing to say to the Tiger’s next victim, Flunkies!
Here’s a list of the Professor’s faithful Flunkies
*Georgia Tech will be the pathetic Flunkie to Pittsburgh
*Missouri will absolutely be the obvious Flunkie to No 1 Georgia
*Northwestern will flat out, regardless of their superior academic prowess, be the Flunkie to No 11 Penn State
*Arizona State will be the Flunkie to No 6 USC
It’s been fun previewing and prognosticating this weekend’s slate of games. As always, thanks for stopping by for this week’s lecture. So, lets all bravely face those storm clouds. Stay safe, stay orange and may your favorite team never, ever be a Flunkie. See y’all soon!
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