Welcome Class, last week was a tough one for all of us, especially me.
As I mentioned last week, the old Professor is a little rusty in my Prognostications. My choice of Flunkies from last weeks slate proves that fact. Never one to err on the side of wisdom or prudence, either virtue would lead a wiser man to cancel class and head for the mountains but not this Professor.
I’ve resolved to continue to look forward instead of back and leave my mistakes where they belong, forgotten. In Manure Management, we’re tasked with accessing the truths with regards to current conditions. In particularly, the direction of the wind. Here are six incontrafutable truths about which way the wind is blowing after Week 1
#1…UNC and Miami are nowhere near as good as I thought. #2…Virginia Tech, Florida State, Louisville and yes, even NC State are better than I thought. #3…The ACC is in a dead heat with the PAC-12 as probably the least powerful of “THE FIVE.” #4…Despite a rough and painful loss to Jawja, Clemson still controls their own Destiny. #5…Duke is still and always will be, Duke. #6…Notre Dame is still blissfully independent and Brian Kelly is still a….Well, you know what he is
Now, let’s get to this week’s Flunkies…
Pittsburgh vs. Tennessee
Both teams are riding high after the slaughter of their designated, first week, sacrificial lambs. However, this week may prove a tad more challenging for both.
Pat Narduzzi’s Panthers are expected to compete for the ACC Coastal division title this year along with every other team, except Duke. As would be expected, with 10th year Senior, Kenny Pickett at QB, this team could really be in the thick of it. Speaking of thick, Josh Huepel’s Tennessee Volunteers are sort of an unknown commodity.
Before they finally settled on him as a replacement for Jeremy Pruitt, they paid $1M dollars for Kevin Steele, their accidental head coach for three whole weeks (good work if you can get it). Now, it’s Josh Huepel’s turn to ride the pony on the Tennessee coaching carousel. I suspect he is ready to rally the Musket Carrying Volunteers over Rocky Top, into Knoxvegas for what could an interesting game.
Dumbledore (Narduzzi’s alter ego) will have his Magic Wand ready to spellbound his enemy. I’m sure that will not be necessary with Pickett’s nine years of experience. I suspect it will be close until the end, however, in this one, old CT’s Flunkie…Tennessee.
Oregon vs. THE Ohio State
Mario Cristobal’s Ducks, by nature, let water “roll off their backs” and with a close call against Fresno State last Saturday, that’s a good thing.
Ryan Day, the Whiners Head Nut, will annoy his way to a number of meaningless victories this season. This past Saturday, Minnesota gave a great effort keeping it close for three quarters but it wasn’t enough.
Unfortunately, for the rest of College Football, that’s most probably going to be the scenario for most of this season. However, if the Ducks wear one of their thirty plus lucky uniforms, who knows? Regardless of luck, uniforms and all that Nike money, I suspect it will make little difference. Professor’s Flunkie…Oregon.
North Carolina State vs. Mississippi State
Mike Leach, a man of few words, but boundless sarcastic humor, will welcome Dave Doeren’s Wolfpack’s into his three ringed, Big Top circus in Starkville.
Both teams won their opener. NC State won big against undermatched South Florida while the Bulldogs pulled off a remarkable come from behind victory, in spite of a bad case of fumble fever as they surrendered 6 turnovers to Louisiana Tech.
The two lessons in this prognostication are this…First, never, ever give up on the offensive genius of Mike Leach. **He’s a Houdini and his across the tent counter part, “Laptop Louie”, is just a weenie.** (see below) Second, Mississippi State has slippery hands. Yes, I love humor and I’m a believer in the power of imagination. I also believe the facts about fumble fever, it can kill. Professor Junkie’s Flunkie this week…Mississippi State.
**This sentence rhymes and is worthy of notation.
South Carolina vs. East Carolina
Shane Beamer and his Graduate Assistant QB’s coming out party was quite successful. Actually, playing a glorified, JV Football team paid huge dividends. The Clucksters feel mighty as they shamelessly pummeled those poor little 15-16 year old JV gridiron novices.
I suspect, this weeks contest between the Pirates of ECU might prove a little more difficult. With the Clucksters being who and what they are, The Professor is scratching his head with this game. I have this nagging feeling that there won’t be much buried Pirate’s booty to be pilfered in Williams-Brice on Saturday. Everybody knows that was dug up last year to pay Muschamp’s $13M buyout.
Take heart Pirates, everybody knows, Columbia is a “special” place where anyone with a five spot, even a one-eyed Pirate, can find all the “Booty” needed behind any dumpster around the stadium. Professor CT’s Flunkies…South Carolina.
Middle Tennessee State vs. Virginia Tech
That Smokin’ Hokie magic was on full display in last weeks upset over the underwhelming Tarheels. The emotions were on overdrive in Blacksburg last Friday night, it was a spectacle to behold. Knowing that emotions have a shelf life, the Professor believes the Smokin’ Hokies might be a little low in that particular commodity heading into battle this week.
Rick Stocksill’s Blue Raiders, even after their 50-15 thrashing of the mighty Monmouth University “Shadow” (greatest mascot ever) will be extremely over matched by the Hokies. I’d love to say “Not so fast my friends…” any team that can out run a Shadow is pretty impressive indeed but it won’t be in anyway impressive enough. Professor CT Junkie’s Flunkie…Middle Tennessee.
Oklahoma vs. Western Carolina
The Sooners most assuredly had to change their “Big Girl” panties after last weeks narrow escape, at home, against the Mighty Green Wave of Tulane. The poor Green Wave team, forced to flee from Hurricane Ida, were welcomed into Soonerland like “a fly into a spiders web.” Their accommodating hosts had little to no altruistic purpose towards their refugee opponent, they were there as a mere “patsy..” Anyway, what was there to worry about, “we’ve got a Rattler in the backfield?” Everybody knows, there’s no ocean on the plains, right?
Well, whatever happened, the mighty Sooners were nearly washed out of their anointed playoff spot by a big, green, undermanned Green Wave.
Western Carolina, like the Green Wave, are viewed, by the high and mighty Sooners as little more than cannon fodder and they’re probably right. However, keep those extra “Big Girl” panties on hand and nearby, just in case. Fortunately, for Lincoln Riley’s Wagoneers, it pays to play lesser teams. CT’s Flunkie… Western Carolina.
Illinois vs. Virginia
Timing is everything, where humor/sarcasm is concerned. The Professor spins sarcasm with the best but this is not the right time.
Bronco Mendenhall, left Brigham Young University, nestled on the banks of the Salt Lake and headed to Charlottesville. With his travel trailer and family in tow, he headed eastward, to rebuild his Virginia Cavilers.
Knowing he had little time to find a house, he and his family spent the first six months of his tenure as head coach in Charlottesville, “glamping.” A refreshing different approach.
The can-do coach has built a solid bunch of Cavilers in Charlottesville. He’s a man of few words but when he does speak, it’s usually kind and respectful. Today, kindness and respect are precious commodities that few possess, even fewer display.
Bret Bielema’s first season in Champlain started off with a bang. They spanked the hapless Huskers of Nebraska in week 0. Unfortunately, they had a victory hangover and lost a close one to University of Texas San Antonio last weekend. I suspect this one will be a close, methodical match until the end.
The Professor, who also lives in a travel trailer, “down by the river” is highly impressed by both kindness and humility and it’s for those two reasons, this Junkie’s Flunkie in a good game…Illinois.
Appalachian State vs. Miami
As predicted, the Hurricanes couldn’t hold back the Mighty, Perfect, Stupendous, Gods of College Football, the Alabama Crimson Tide. The ‘Canes were left soundly handled and humbled. This week, things might actually go the ‘Canes way.
Appalachian State looked impressive in their thrashing of in-state foe, East Carolina. Former Clemson Tiger, Chase Brice played a near perfect game. However, I suspect that level of perfection will elude the Mountaineers in this weeks contest. The Professor’s Flunkie…Appalachian State.
Clemson vs. SC State
After a disappointing loss to Jawja, you might suspect Dabo Swinney’s Tigers are distracted, downtrodden and licking their wounds. However, if you think such, you don’t know squat about Dabo. It’s uncomfortably easy to predict the Flunkie in this contest, it’s a no brainer, it’s poor SC State. However, the Bulldogs are not the only opponent this Saturday for Clemson . The other opponent is the same one that actually defeated them last week…Clemson.
A wounded Tiger is a lethal, dangerous creature and so are some of the disgruntled Tiger faithful. I know, It’s been a tough “chill pill” to swallow, but it’s needed. I’ll tread lightly here as the Professor understands frustration. I suspect the Tigers of week 2 will defeat both teams they face this weekend, soundly. Professor Junkies Flunkie(s)…SC State and the Ghost of the week 1 Tigers.
I’ve been a little long winded this class and our time together is just about over but before you go, remember this…winning matters but winning and even losing with class, always gets you an A++ from this Professor.
See you next week, same Bat Time, same Bat Channel…enjoy the games and may your favorite team never, ever be a Flunkie.
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